Lost so far: 43.8
Pounds to go: 11.2
This weekend was really hard for me. I went on a hike on Saturday and it was beautiful, we hiked for 10 miles on the Tahoe Rim Trail. My legs were sore but up to the task and it was a really lovely morning hike. Then on Sunday I stepped on the scale and it was up 3 pounds in one day... In my mind I know that it's because I worked my muscles really hard and that makes muscles retain water. I KNOW that but it's still depressing as hell and yesterday I had a very frustrated cry that it just feels like I'm not really making progress any more. I have ran, hiked, or been on the elliptical almost every day for 3 weeks now while still being very careful about what I eat and I weigh more right now than when I started and it's not just gaining muscle/losing fat because my measurements are not changing.
Just typing that I want to cry all over again. I know that I can't gain 3 real pounds in a day and water weight is all it is but when you're retaining water it just looks different in the mirror and I feel like a failure. Then I think well, I'm still down 44 pounds from last Christmas, how is that a fail? But I just can't kick that feeling. And what's worse is that since I'm now in the healthy BMI range, and I'm not technically "fat" anymore, I feel like I don't have a right to feel frustrated about a lack of progress. Skinnier girls aren't supposed to cry about being fat, right? It's just that I want to be able to run a marathon. I want my thunder thighs to finally look like they have muscles and not just jello on them. I want to be fit and healthy and not just "skinny". Skinny isn't good enough without fitness.
I'll keep plugging along but I'm really struggling with some self doubt right now.
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| Lake Tahoe from the Tahoe Rim Trail |
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| Lake Tahoe from the Tahoe Rim Trail |
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| Washoe Lake from the Tahoe Rim Trail |
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